my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
