I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
