I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
operation have a gay friend backfired
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
