just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
