its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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