Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
