In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
