I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
