I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
