I feel like I'm in dance class right now
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
