don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
3pm strippers are depressing
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
