Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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