Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
