Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
