I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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