we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
