I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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