Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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