I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
