Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
