I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
