I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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