Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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