I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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