I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
