Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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