I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
