Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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