its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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