Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
