i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
