haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
