Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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