i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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