Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
