i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
