his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
