WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
