Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
