It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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