u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
