i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
