Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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