just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
