Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's Friday. Sex?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
