I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
