My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
