I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
