I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
