Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
