LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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