Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
