i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
