Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
