I think i peed on brittanys purse
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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