Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
