I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
