Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
