god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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